The Bird that got away.......

All the words seem to bunch-up in the head & refused to untangle

However you try, they seem to knot you up & refuse to let to think....

Kind of strange that you want to tell so much but the mind refuses to agree with you

It happens often than I think now that I have sorted my life... have I?

Morning is a strange time to be with self you have so many questions about you, life & I am a different person than...

 Life seem simple with the only thoughts of YOU

But it gets totally unruly as the day progresses & led you to funny situations

That you think will be tackled during the day but by the evening

 You’re still left with a knotted mind & several unanswered questions

I always thought of me as a bird that can perch on any branch & sing any song

Live life to the fullest & live life in oblivion but Alas! It doesn’t seem so

Today I don’t remember that song & my wings are clipped to the edge

Is this what I want out of my life or this is what I have come to accept

I am happy does that mean I am happy.....?

In those times my life’s most worrying matter was ‘which colour nail do I use...’?

Sounds that silly today.... Life was so complicated than I thought but that seemed like cake-walk.

I watched the train whistling most of the day, the railway tracks are a part of life

I loved the passing train which would let me dream of unknown destinations

And the adventures connected to the unknown but never got on one

Because I never understood that I wanted to be freedom without any

Questions... what was that I still haven’t understood, maybe one day it will

All come back to me when I know that person that I have caged inside me

Will be the one to let me make the decisions that I have just longed

All my life....

Trapped in my own mind with devastating thoughts about life & the consequences

This has given me no solace at all.

What is that Iam looking for, little desires, little hopes, little delights...... I don’t know

But as I look forward to being a comfortable soul, I have little regrets

For not being the lucky BIRD THAT GOT AWAY.....

Boyz.... You made me laugh, cry, love, desire, endure & live life!!

You made my world a wonderful place

You took me in your arms gave me peace,

Gave me time to enjoy every moment of my life

Love was never the same without your sweet voice

You made me want to care, love, forgive & bless

Every bit of my feelings were derived from your....

Loving words that gave me wings to fly in the open sky

Without fear for tomorrow.

I jumped with joy at your dance & smiled at your naughtiness

You made me laugh & gave me hope that some day..

I will be happy as you look all the time

Words could never describe what I felt just to see

You boyz sing with so much pleasure.... felt my world

Would end if I don’t hear you for a day

You make my world go around....

 

Ro, you made me wonder always, how beautifully you sing

Did you wonder what you did to the thousands of people

Who loved you immensely....I did!

Watched you with intrigue

At the intense voice which took over my mind just to be close

To your voice forever.....

And every time you sang it felt like you sang for me.

Steo, you are my angel forever...

The day I saw you I knew I’d love you for a life time

And it is true now that you take my breath away

Every time I look at you...even now

Your unforgettable, powerful voice make me feel

“I can’t express the feeling......”

I love you to always remain in my heart & never go away.

Mikey....You have the Lord in your voice

You sound so pure & serene.....

You just whisper to life & take me to another world.

Keith, your looks...”like take me on”

Gave all with so much love to inspire

Everyone connected to the band

Loved your smile with which you gave

A heart felt performance.

Shane....You gave the band character

The tomboy of the band, the tattoo man

Just loved every move you made

To keep me mesmerized....

Something about your brow

Always there as a support to make a band

The Boyzone....

You make my world a better place

Just to listen you  is like taking a

Flight to another world to love & cherish

A whole life with you boyz.... the inspiration you may have

Given a million can never be enough.....

For me its been a whole new world

With songs to keep you warm on a cold night

And melt into the world of your everlasting voice...

Boyzone..... The band forever!!!

Beyond Repair.....Maher Tirmizi

This is an enigma...  why when you lose someone that the relation becomes

Beyond Repair & you never say the words I am sorry & I didn’t mean to hurt you...

I can only think how selfish our feeling, desires can be...

We forget that this relation has mean a lot....

You have loved this person dearly from the time he was born

And this relationship....

Which has not only formed out of blood but out of emotions bond

Is going to last a life time....

Did I ever think one day I was going to lose you

Of course not.....Never fathomed that I will live to see you...

You gone forever & my unsaid words will always linger

And every feeling, thought, emotions will remain...

BEYOND REPAIR.

This world had much to offer you...

But Alas! you didn’t take life seriously... you were given opportunities

To turn your world around but you never paid any heed &

 To the warning of the storm which was going to engulf you

Taking you far... far away, why was there no indication...

What the Lord had in store for you

Today a life, relationships wasted & nothing would bring you back

Nothing that would ever change in this life....

I know I wasn’t there for you...

I can’t explain  why?

I just can’t explain... but as I am too late to make that amend with you

I only ask for  forgiveness...but how will that ever happen

I don’t know where you are, but I pray that you are at peace...

For me my feeling will always remain wounded & my emotions

Beyond Repair...

Will always love & miss you, Maher

Happiness on a shoe-string budget....

Born for a purpose...is this what life is about

And what is that purpose may I ask...

Why is that I have to live all my life looking for this happiness

When in the first place I hadn’t met before & definitely will be able to recognize it.

At a tender age everyone is pleasing you

Making you laugh, showing you the happy picture of life

& than when you’re all grown up it dawns to you that

What an illusion you have been living there is no happiness anywhere

They say it exist in your heart, in your mind

But please tell me where...all I feel is my heart

Empty but with thoughts of losing the only people

Whom I love & posses.....

So where is this happiness?

The only time I remember being happy was

When riding my bike on a pot ridden roads

Trying to save myself from dying a horrid death

And reached home safely.....

That is the only time I have been satisfied & happy with myself.

Happy...Happy did I say, now that is so damn confusing

Being happy & happiness is there a difference....hmmm

I guess here let me see whether I reach any conclusions with this

Sometimes exploring a relationship with a partner, with your children,

Your parents can create a warm feeling from with in...

But does this feelings result in happiness...I wonder

Sometimes people who love you the most hurt you the hardest

Why is that they choose YOU to hurt....

Have we not done enough or have we not given enough

To satisfy their ever ending desires, demands...

What is it, you are supposed to do that they stop so it will hurt no more...

Is just being myself mean nothing to my loved ones?

Or do have to be someone else to be a part of this charade

 And to win a trophy for playing the part called my life

Is it my life anymore?

This is like an unanswered life....

Waiting to be hung so it can die an agonising death.

My guess happiness is a word given to us by people

Who never had to search for it...they too found it in the dictionary

Like a million others did, looked at the meaning & attached a episode

Walla!!! Happiness found....

This search will forever be on a shoe-string budget as

We are easily fooled in believing the unbelievable...

Happiness would come on platter if you know

It’s available to each & every one of us only if we know

Where to look for in the first place

Deep down in our hearts we are starving souls

Looking for HAPPINESS which only exists on a SHOE-STRING BUDGET...

Looking at life..

Life has so many difficulties rather so many tears, Never knew why did we have to go through so much just to gain a few moments of happiness. Yet again a strange word HAPPINESS I do know the meaning of that word, but than in this process of living life on others terms the "happiness" has no meaning no essence. I had lost all my courage to live a more satisfying life.
Today I live more pseudo life. What am I doing all day? Whatever it is has no meaning...
Somewhere deep down in my heart, in my mind I wanted to find love, so much love for me that it would last forever but... Strangely I can't find it. Life is indeed mechanical/ Robotic these days that we don't show affection through action but it has to be told so as to no need to use your mind... so hard ironic isn't?
My mind replays all the moments happy/sad/mad/stupid.. I don't laugh anymore...Its like done everything & seen all....
Why some things hurt you, don't know these answers now....
I just seem to float with times & hope it passes away soon...
Being so afraid of the future that I get numb when I think that nobody is there for anybody till the last, because nothing of this kind exist, I am sure you must have felt this way sometimes in your life...
Saw Mom dying slowly day by day...never wanted to see her leave me alone but she did, I miss her ever since.... I lost myself with her & just long to hear her soothing voice which had kept me secure till than. I wonder whether she misses me...? When she was alive never thought she was important but now... I miss her in my soul!
So many mistakes/wrong decisions committed in life but now it doesn't matter because it was my life..didn't put anybody's life on hold. I hope today those mistakes have taught me well.
Today I don't think the pain has diminished but my ability to cope my pain is better....

If you reading this Thank you for your time...